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“Like, no war.”

Starting with this movie, I intend to work my way up.  Using the ‘laugh’ ratings members can give the episodes at Club-MST3K.com, I plan on working from the least laughed episode (The Hellcats) to the most laughed one (Space Mutiny).  I won’t be following that list exactly since there are some films I just don’t have access to at this time.

Just as the Eurospy films pack more laughs than I expect, the slew of biker films in season 2 is quite a hard slog.  The Hellcats just might be the worst of the three, and I blame Anthony Cardoza.

This is one of the worst movie funerals I’ve ever seen.  Cops and Mobsters and never the twain shall meet.

Nothing on this soundtrack sounds like it would be biker music.  To poppy I think.  I kind of dig the paintings used in the opening titles, a little trippy fun.

Of the hundreds and hundreds of plot devices that make no sense to me, infiltrating a biker gang to avenge someone or something is a bit stupid.  And the fact this decision seems to be made on the spur of the moment makes it seem even dumber.  Our hero and heroine just look like they bathe too often to fit in with the biker scum.  At least the Moonfire Inn looks to be catering to the right clientele.

I somehow think there is a lot less switching of couriers with real drug running.  I’d also think the killer would be smart enough to off the girlfriend of the detective, but what do I know.

It doesn’t feel like a whole movie, just clips and scenes thrown together to simulate a movie.  Really, there are so much padding here you could probably get this story told in a ½ hour.

I do have to give the cast credit, they do look to genuinely be having a good time during the party scene.  Ok, it does end with the worst O.D. this side of an afterschool special.

Our heroine’s sweater says malt shop, not biker dive.

At least the constant pop song background keeps this from falling victim to silence overload.

Our fourth and final Anthony Cardoza movie.  Maybe if he had some coffee to share, the bikers wouldn’t have roughed him up.  I’m thankful to announce they had the good taste to not continue the scene with the model and artist.  Restraint Coleman Francis could have used in Red Zone Cuba.

Two party scenes in the first half hour?  Why not.

So there’s not really a story, just some plot devices linked by scenes.  I guess this is what these people thought tough looked and sounded like.  They just come off as colorless and void of depth to me.

And in the full version, no race scenes, just more crowd watching a race scenes.

This is just nonsense.  Our hero stopping the biker fight with just some hep talk?  Then we go to the stretch completion?  This is what happens when suburbanites watch Easy Rider.

Is it just me or does the size of the gang keep changing?  Must be related to who was available what weekends.

No sexual tension at all.  And I don’t have much sympathy for the junkie girl, she’s just too much a hamola in her moment in the spotlight.

“Kookie” is Justin or Jocelyn or whatever from Red Zone Cuba.

To her credit, when push came to shove, the Blonde heroine did make out with a pig to get her revenge.

Watchability: 1 of 5.  Makes Wild Rebels look like a masterpiece.  It is disjointed, nonsensical and devoid of tension.  Not fun bad, just bad.

Missing the Riffs: 1 of 5.  As of 8/25/13, this is the least ‘laughed’ episode at Club-MST3K.  Generally speaking, people don’t like this movie with the riffing.  Still, the episode is leaps and bounds more enjoyable than this full movie.